Last weekend, my husband launched our two-part celebration to commemorate our 20th wedding anniversary. 2 decades, 20 years, 7300 days, 175,200 hours and still running! There has got to be more than a power-packed battery behind that. This journey has led us to mountains and valleys, to deserts and green pastures. We expect changing terrain to still be part of the journey ahead but we rest in the Lord who continues to lead us where His grace can keep us…together. In celebration of this milestone, I want to thank God for 20 graces that have equipped us to experience a growing marriage despite the changing scenes. Some may not apply to others, but there may be one or two that can profit you, too. There are more than 20, but this column does not have enough space for it.
Grace #1 The Source and Author of love Himself. A perfect God with a perfect love in charge of two imperfect people is the only partnership I have known, and because He has been faithful, even when we are faithless, we are still a team until today.
Grace#2 Sharing the same faith. As singles, we were constantly encouraged to pray for future partners who were committed followers of the Lord. Then, I knew the wisdom behind the instruction in my head. After 2 decades of married life, with all its ups and downs, it has sunk deep in my heart. Seeking His heart together, desiring His will above our own has time and again, simplified and enriched our life.
Grace #3 The Word of God. What a blessing it is to have God’s principles and promises available to us! How His protective boundaries have ironically freed us to grow steadily in our roles as husband and wife.
Grace#4 Planning a child after our first year of marriage. Being students of each other first before becoming parents helped us focus and firm up the foundation of our relationship.
Grace #5, 6, 7 and 8 Our four blessings from above. With every child that arrived came opportunities for me to know God more, know my hubby better and deepen my commitment to him as his wife. With our first child, I realized the significance of my husband being the priority relationship. With our second child, and first son, I realized my role in helping raise godly men. With our third, I realized the need to listen more and talk less. With our youngest, I realized the dangers of grumbling and whining. All realizations continue to chisel my character so I can be a help and not a hindrance to my husband.
Grace #9 Choosing natural childbirth for all four children. This choice allowed us to share one of life’s most challenging and most beautiful experiences. It was also an opportunity for me to experience firsthand the personal, tender, loving care of my spouse and to gain strength from his calm.
Grace #10 Exercising the privilege to pray together. One of the things that fills my tank and soaks me with great assurance is when my husband and I pray together. Everyday, God hears and answers. Did not Jesus say in Matthew 18:19 "I can guarantee again that if two of you agree on anything here on earth, my Father in heaven will accept it”?
Grace #11 Parents-in-law on both sides that have kept a healthy, supportive distance.
Grace #12 Extended families and close friends that have been sources of inspiration, wise counsel, blessing and support.
Grace #13 Community of couples in the faith and the gifts of accountability and ministry. If bad company corrupts good morals then good company can inspire. The opportunities to confess to another, to receive correction, instruction and be lifted up in prayer are essential steps to grow and stay faithful. Opportunities to serve in the couples and pre-marital counseling ministry serve as mirrors to us--periodic checkpoints, that help us continue what is beneficial and stop what is not.
Grace #14 Home schooling. 15 years ago, we submitted to the call to home school our children. This experience continues to strengthen our bonding as a family, by increasing our knowledge and awareness of each other and directing our prayers towards collective progress and Christlikeness! It has motivated us both to be involved in the nurturing and training of our children.
Grace #15-18 An abundance of good ideas such as: (1) No discussions after 9 PM. Rested people are able to communicate and love better. (2) Confer before confirming. Discussing potential time commitments help clarify expectations and reduce conflict in schedule. (3) Regular time apart from the children. (4) Keep expectations low, and appreciation high.
Grace #19 Forgiveness. Being forgiven gives hope to me that God is not giving up on me and that the best is yet to come. On the flip side, forgiving one another just as Christ forgave us brings freedom as it relieves us of heavy feelings that only root and grow harmful resentment and bitterness. Travel light and enjoy the ride.
Grace #20 Wilderness experiences and trials. Yes, being thankful even in unpleasant situations is demonstrating trust in the Lord, who can turn anything into good, if we allow Him to use it for His purpose (Romans 8:28). We had a long season of no help at home but as I thanked the Lord for my confinement, I learned anew the psalmist’s words, “God is my Helper”, I witnessed my husband rise to the occasion and help out as well, I discovered insights on servanthood that no other situation would have impressed upon me, I felt rewarded by children’s right response to chores, and so forth and so on. As the song goes, “A thankful heart is a happy heart.”
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| On our wedding day, year 1991. |
Lest you misunderstand, ours is not a perfect marriage. But our Perfect Partner, the Author of relationships has opened my eyes to see that His grace (20 and counting) is indeed sufficient, sometimes even more, for His power is made perfect in our inadequacies.
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