Stop Griping

Very recently, our guppy fish named, “Grace” gave birth to 14 little guppies or little fry. Being newbies in guppy care, we were ecstatic! It sort of reminded me of the scene in Disney’s 101 Dalmatians when Perdita gave birth to 15 puppies. Such abundance. However, our joy was short-lived. Before we could transfer the newborns to safety, the mother fish feasted on a dozen!!

We were shocked, particularly my daughter and I. I did not realize how fond we had grown of these little swimmers. Observing them during gaps in the day can be calming and therapeutic. It has also allowed my kids and I to bond as we create and laugh over  ‘pretend’ conversations between them.  It was not surprising then that I was affected by the ‘mass murder’. In our disappointment, we took the liberty of expressing how we felt. And I think we took it to an extreme.

“How could you do such a thing?” I reprimanded Grace. “So unfeeling.”  I know, I know. She was a fish and was probably so hungry after giving birth to a school! But as a mother myself, I expected longer nurturing after birth.  I resented her for taking away our joy so soon. My daughter sat on the couch and stared blankly into space, “I can’t believe it, Mom. She is so bad.”

My daughter chided me for delaying the transfer of the little fry. And I defended myself by saying, “I did not want to disturb the environment because I thought she wasn’t done yet.”  So distraught, she insisted that it was my fault. My husband cut in with his timely rhetorical question, “Excuse me, who are you speaking to?”  Realizing she was out of line, she replied with a timid, “Your wife.” That’s when she stopped, shifting her anger towards Grace. “We should not have called her Grace, Mom, she should be called Curse.”   The next few days, we were still sulking over the loss and berating Grace for her misdeed. Then one morning, I discovered her lifeless.  Seeing Grace tiny body floating, it dawned upon me, how harsh we had been. There lay a fitting reminder of how our words can suck the life out of another.

Proverbs 12: 18 which reads, “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing.” I have a dear friend who is retired, but confessed how as a chief executive officer, her words were once like thrusts of a light saber!! Words can do a lot of harm. More than we realize. And when the damage is done, it could be a long road to recovery, or worse, irrecoverable.

The death of Grace was one of those magic moments for parent and child, when an opportunity arises for us to learn together from God’s Word. We read Ephesians 4:29, “Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. The verse says, “everything”. So no matter how disappointing a situation is, we honor the Lord when we give helpful responses. Our griping, sighing, berating and unforgiveness were not helpful at all. My son concludes, “Words have power, Mom.”  They have the power to build or to bruise, to help or to hinder. Our words failed to build up those who heard them, including Grace. Even her name rebukes us for having failed to season our speech with grace.

After seeking God’s forgiveness together, I reflected on what happened. I accepted this setback as God’s reminder to watch my own words and to stop griping. I remembered the warning I read that children usually do in excess what parents do in moderation! Oh my…I realized in the past year, being “too at home” with family, I would freely express my thoughts without using the principle behind Ephesians 4:29 as my filter and guide. My default used to be when it comes to family, every joy and woe is shared, but I realize again that it is not always beneficial to entrust ourselves, especially our woes, to others.  Instead of filling their tank, dumping our woes drain the listener. And conflict is just around the corner. What if my tank was empty and someone decided to dump her woes on me? I recoil at the thought. Freely expressing disappointments, criticism or complaints can discourage another, but not Our Heavenly Father.  

In Psalm 62 verse 8, we are called to “Pour out our hearts”. To pour means to release, to let it flow.  To whom do we unload?  The verse says, “to God ”, not man. Why?  “For God is our refuge”. He is the safest place. Others can misunderstand, or can be unprepared to listen and react. Only He can be entrusted with all our joys and pain. Only He can perfectly understand our quiet laughter and secret tears.  As I release them to Him, I am emptied of care and made ready to be blessed. He takes the weight of those woes and frees me from its control over what I say. Then, I can be a blessing to others. Just like my daughter’s redeeming words, “Oh well…Praise God, two survived. Let’s call them Moses and Noah. One survived the river, the other , the flood. Or if there is a female, let’s call her, Rahab.”

 I pray fervently that as I commit to continue in His Word this year, I will stop griping and dumping and slowly leave a legacy of words seasoned with grace to those around me.