Finding Fortune in Unfortunate Events

“Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing – but let us encourage one another…” Recently, we experienced an uplifting get-together, when several other couples from our community met for fun, fellowship and food. Our objective was to celebrate with thanksgiving the completion of a project accomplished by prayer and combined efforts of the couples present. It was also an opportunity for us to apply the Sunday message on being thankful.

We asked the group to think of a recent unfortunate event, an unpleasant circumstance or experience that did not turn out the way they wanted.  Then we instructed them to go treasure hunting by reviewing the unfortunate event and searching for things they can still thank God for. We usually give thanks only when good things happen. Are we not instructed to “Give thanks in all circumstances?”  

That evening we had the privilege of enjoying the treasure found by two mothers and a son.

One mother shared how bad news turned into good. A loyal household helper of more than 15 years was devastated when her teen age son, who happened to be a scholar, got an older girl pregnant! Pain of betrayal and broken dreams caused tears to flow from their helper. Her pain was shared by her employers and most specially their teen-age daughters. Their devoted “yaya” was hurting and so were they. This incident became a true-to-life illustration of the dangers of exclusive relationships at a young age, which was just shared to them at church.  “Our pastor was right, mom.”  Their yaya’s sorrow strengthened their resolve to avoid serious relationships at this time to free them from distraction, immorality and unnecessary pain!

To reinforce this principle, another mother shared how a relationship gone sour made her son realize the value of obedience to parents and, God-dependence over independence. As parents, they advised their sons to make a lot of friends in high school and reserve exclusive relationships for later. Their eldest son, however, chose otherwise.  He courted a girl who eventually answered him.  Unfortunately, the relationship went from bad to worse to the boy’s hurt. And also the family’s. Isn’t it when one part of the body is aching, a stubbed toe, a toothache, a migraine… the entire body gets affected?

Though scarred and shaken, her son has learned that choices have consequences, and it is wise to take his parents’ instructions more seriously. Finding an ally in Jesus, her son has found new courage and strength in frequent prayer. For these invaluable lessons, his mom is grateful.

The only male sharer was a son who lost his own mother, who was bed-ridden for the last 30 years, on Mother’s Day.  First and foremost, he was thankful that he had an earlier opportunity to share clearly what Jesus did for her on the cross. Jesus paid her penalty, died that she may live and partake in life everlasting. Her son knew because of his mom’s faith in Jesus, she had passed from death to a new, glorious life. No longer bed-ridden but standing in splendor and free in eternity. Such comfort this truth brings.

Despite the turbulent weather the weekend she died, with all local flights cancelled, he and his wife still managed to have two seats in a bus. Thankfully he was able to join his relatives and experience a meaningful memorial service. There, he heard of how his mom’s uncomplaining attitude amazed and ministered to those who cared for her and visited her. In her weakness, she gave strength to many.  Moreover,   many unexpected and sympathetic friends were deeply moved by the wake service. It was one of the most spiritually uplifting services they attended. Clearly, his precious mom’s death was an instrument to bring Christ’s love and life to many.  What an extraordinary Mother’s Day!

Perhaps like me, you are in the middle of an unpleasant circumstance or a seemingly unfortunate event. Our limited perspective can deceive us from seeing the big picture. Perhaps we need new eyes to see beyond the problem that we may count it all joy.  It is my prayer that as we seek the good in our situation, as we search for hidden treasure and as our hearts and lips give thanks, we will not be disappointed. No testimony without a test. No message without a mess. The Lord promises to grant unexplainable peace and blessing as we chose to trust that He is more than able to work all things out (all includes your perplexing dilemma) for our good in His terms, in His time and for His glory!

Prompt Obedience

Such delight it brings when our children do as they’re told, quickly and without fussing. They do not realize how much it really blesses us.  And doesn’t it save a lot of time?

 As a parent, my children’s obedience makes me feel regarded and honored as opposed to overlooked and disrespected. Their obedience is also extremely assuring because, unknown to them, they gain protection when they obey. That is of course, when we are instructing them to do what is right. 

How is that? When your child, in obedience, keeps his fingers from touching the electric fan, or does not run with a sharp object, he is kept from harm’s way. Or when I tell my son to bring an extra shirt and he obeys, he is able to change to a new one; in case he gets all sweaty, preventing him from getting sick.  As they grow older, our reminders to them to do things in moderation, to focus or stay clear of this and that, are all born out of our desire to guide and protect them.

However, there are times when it is not as easy to engage their cooperation. There will be times, they will delay obedience, partially obey or just disobey. When they do, my natural reaction is to correct but many times, they simply mirror to me my own depravity. Where am I disobedient and failing to honor my Father in heaven?  Where am I delaying to act on what God has already revealed to me? Have I forgotten that His instructions are given with my best in mind?

The psalmist’s declares his choice in Psalm 119:60-61, “I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands; though the wicked bind me with ropes, I will not forget your law.”   

To hasten means to hurry, to proceed and not linger, just like Abraham when the Lord asked him to carry out a very difficult task, it struck me that he set out to do it early in the morning. Remarkable. It amazes me how one can promptly do what is difficult. Perhaps had he chosen to do it later, more voices would probably discourage him from heeding God’s call.  Perhaps Sarah would have intervened. Perhaps a late morning trip would be too hot so it would then be further delayed. And so forth and so on. Delays give opportunity for distraction that may dampen our resolve to obey, leading to disobedience. And for Abraham, this was not an option.

For an illustration closer to home, in the area of giving—I have heard of many who are often led to give but fail to act promptly on their resolve. Sooner than later the amount set aside gets spent on other legitimate needs. Money does have wings!!  The opportunity is gone to bless and to be blessed.

When we are set to follow God’s leading, it is wisest to do it promptly in the power of the Holy Spirit, for on our own, we are prone to distraction. Moreover, we need to be aware that forces exist with the purpose of making us ineffective.

It is common for some to spend time in prayer, usually, at the start of the day. When we fail to prioritize, we end up lost in a truckload of chores and unending calls that demand our time and attention.  This has happened to me. The enemy may not bind me with ropes, but he has, by tempting me to stay busy, busy, busy-- to the neglect of my precious time with the Lord. How much peace and blessing I have forfeited by refusing to obey the call to pray!

How about you? What good intentions or commitments do you need to follow through? May Jesus give you the grace to put your faith in action, work in you what is pleasing in His sight and empower you to trust and obey.  Perhaps today, like the psalmist, you, too can bless God’s heart and say with all determination, “Though the wicked bind me with ropes, I will not forget your law.”

God of Details

We have four growing children whose needs are constantly evolving and at times, simultaneously calling for attention. It can be overwhelming. Times like this, it is a relief to know that God, who loves our children so much more, is never overwhelmed! He is never threatened by the billions of petitions made to Him. And amidst all those pleas and prayers, He is seated on the throne, in full charge, not pacing up and down His courtroom, anxious over this and that!

There was a time, I used to think, with billions of prayers being lifted up to God, He probably prioritized and attended to the bigger problems that affect the multitudes! Why bother Him with petty stuff? But my thinking changed. Oh, He is most definitely aware of major global concerns and is actively at work to make things right but our Father in Heaven, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, is the very same God of you and me.

He is a personal God, who according to the psalmist “knows when we sit and when we rise; perceives our thoughts from afar…and is familiar with all our ways.” He is directly involved in our circumstances, intimately acquainted not only with our hopes and dreams, but even with our tiny sighs.

I still remember when our little girl was asked to be a flower girl in a wedding in New York. She needed an eggplant colored dress. Had it been white or pink or ecru, it would not have been as challenging to find. So we prayed. We were still here in Manila when I shared this need to a lady friend, she smiled at me and said, “You know, I think I have one, but it is all the way in Chicago and you might have to adjust it to fit your daughter.” To make the long story short, she has the vacuum-packed dress sent to our New York address. And it fit our little angel perfectly! Is that orchestrated or what? And to think we did not even have to go through the trouble of bringing the bulky dress in our luggage.

How can I forget the time I was on my way home from the grocery and I realized I was missing my purse?! I felt the panic inside as I itemized in my mind what I had lost. More than the money, I thought of all the identification cards that went with it and the inconvenience losing them would bring. I began to tell God about it, casting my cares. Soon panic was replaced by peace.  I remembered to give thanks for allowing me to immediately discover the loss and I pleaded for His mercy. I retraced my steps, remembered where I purchased last and decided to go back. I was bracing myself. The chance of recovering a purse left in a food cart is nil. When I inquired at the cart, the server smiled, opened a drawer and brought out my purse---intact.  Not all my losses end in recovery but that day, I encountered a God who is never too busy to bother about missing purses.

Special Delivery

A one-of-a-kind moment convinced me that our God, who holds the universe, is interested in the details of our life. My little four year-old was beginning to enjoy his crayons. His favorite was the color red so naturally he used it the most and soon, I would hear him say, “There’s no more red, Mom!” It seemed unwise to keep on buying a pack, just so he could have a red crayon to use. I shared with family how crayon makers should put at least two pieces of red crayon in a set because it is such a popular color among kids. After some time, we received a package in the mail. Can you guess what it was? A box of red crayons. All red!!

The lady that sent it to us held a demanding position in an advertising agency, a supportive wife and a hands-on mother of two. Quite hectic and busy, and yet she took the time to put the box together and bring delight to our four year old. If she was moved to do something like that, what more can the One who inspired her do when He hears us? Thanks be to God who is never too big for our small concerns.

Count to 20

Last weekend, my husband launched our two-part celebration to commemorate our 20^th wedding anniversary. 2 decades, 20 years, 7300 days, 175,200 hours and still running! There has got to be more than a power-packed battery behind that. This journey has led us to mountains and valleys, to deserts and green pastures. We expect changing terrain to still be part of the journey ahead but we rest in the Lord who continues to lead us where His grace can keep us…together. In celebration of this milestone, I want to thank God for 20 graces that have equipped us to experience a growing marriage despite the changing scenes. Some may not apply to others, but there may be one or two that can profit you, too. There are more than 20, but this column does not have enough space for it.

Grace #1              The Source and Author of love Himself.  A perfect God with a perfect love in charge of two imperfect people is the only partnership I have known, and because He has been faithful, even when we are faithless, we are still a team until today.

Grace#2               Sharing the same faith. As singles, we were constantly encouraged to pray for future partners who were committed followers of the Lord. Then, I knew the wisdom behind the instruction in my head. After 2 decades of married life, with all its ups and downs, it has sunk deep in my heart. Seeking His heart together, desiring His will above our own has time and again, simplified and enriched our life.

Grace #3              The Word of God. What a blessing it is to have God’s principles and promises available to us! How His protective boundaries have ironically freed us to grow steadily in our roles as husband and wife.

Grace#4               Planning a child after our first year of marriage. Being students of each other first before becoming parents helped us focus and firm up the foundation of our relationship.

Grace  #5, 6, 7 and 8        Our four blessings from above. With every child that arrived came opportunities for me to know God more, know my hubby better and deepen my commitment to him as his wife. With our first child, I realized the significance of my husband being the priority relationship. With our second child, and first son, I realized my role in helping raise godly men. With our third, I realized the need to listen more and talk less. With our youngest, I realized the dangers of grumbling and whining. All realizations continue to chisel my character so I can be a help and not a hindrance to my husband.

Grace #9              Choosing natural childbirth for all four children. This choice allowed us to share one of life’s most challenging and most beautiful experiences. It was also an opportunity for me to experience firsthand the personal, tender, loving care of my spouse and to gain strength from his calm.

Grace #10            Exercising the privilege to pray together. One of the things that fills my tank and soaks me with great assurance is when my husband and I pray together. Everyday, God hears and answers. Did not Jesus say in Matthew 18:19   "I can guarantee again that if two of you agree on anything here on earth, my Father in heaven will accept it”?

Grace #11            Parents-in-law on both sides that have kept a healthy, supportive distance.

Grace #12            Extended families and close friends that have been sources of inspiration, wise counsel, blessing and support. 

Grace #13            Community of couples in the faith and the gifts of accountability and ministry. If bad company corrupts good morals then good company can inspire. The opportunities to confess to another, to receive correction, instruction and be lifted up in prayer are essential steps to grow and stay faithful. Opportunities to serve in the couples and pre-marital counseling ministry serve as mirrors to us--periodic checkpoints, that help us continue what is beneficial and stop what is not.

Grace #14            Home schooling.  15 years ago, we submitted to the call to home school our children. This experience continues to strengthen our bonding as a family, by increasing our knowledge and awareness of each other and directing our prayers towards collective progress and Christlikeness! It has motivated us both to be involved in the nurturing and training of our children.

Grace #15-18     An abundance of good ideas such as: (1) No discussions after 9 PM. Rested people are able to communicate and love better.  (2) Confer before confirming. Discussing potential time commitments help clarify expectations and reduce conflict in schedule. (3) Regular time apart from the children. (4) Keep expectations low, and appreciation high.

Grace #19            Forgiveness. Being forgiven gives hope to me that God is not giving up on me and that the best is yet to come. On the flip side, forgiving one another just as Christ forgave us brings freedom as it relieves us of heavy feelings that only root and grow harmful resentment and bitterness. Travel light and enjoy the ride.

Grace #20            Wilderness experiences and trials. Yes, being thankful even in unpleasant situations is demonstrating trust in the Lord, who can turn anything into good, if we allow Him to use it for His purpose (Romans 8:28). We had a long season of no help at home but as I thanked the Lord for my confinement, I learned anew the psalmist’s words, “God is my Helper”, I witnessed my husband rise to the occasion and help out as well, I discovered insights on servanthood that no other situation would have impressed upon me, I felt rewarded by children’s right response to chores, and so forth and so on.   As the song goes, “A thankful heart is a happy heart.”

On our wedding day, year 1991.

Lest you misunderstand, ours is not a perfect marriage. But our Perfect Partner, the Author of relationships has opened my eyes to see that His grace (20 and counting) is indeed sufficient, sometimes even more, for His power is made perfect in our inadequacies.

  

By Way of the Wilderness

The Lord is an unpredictable Shepherd. As I was reading Exodus 13, the account of Israel’s great escape from their oppressor, Egypt, I was struck by verse 17, “when Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near, for God said, “Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” Then verse 18 continues “So God led the people around by way of the wilderness.”

God knows the quickest way to our destination but at times, He opts not to guide us in the obvious way. At times, it is by way of the wilderness. Uncomfortable, unpredictable, unfamiliar, even inconvenient but undeniably, for our ultimate good. Our All-Knowing Father is aware of all things. He always sees what is ahead. He knows our own capacity to face approaching trials of varying degrees. He measures our preparedness. He knows our breaking point and promises to never allow challenges that are beyond our ability to bear.   

During one of our early morning walks, my husband and I were on the right side of the street; he was to my left. He moved to the middle of the road and instructed me to go to his left side. I refused to go explaining that I did not want to walk facing approaching vehicles. Valid excuse. The obvious way. Then he said, “I want to protect you. There is a group of men huddled up ahead on that side of the street. Sumunod ka na lang. (Just follow.)” Locked on the obvious, I did not see the group of men. Realizing his concern for me, I immediately followed, regretting my initial hesitation.

How natural it is for me to be locked on the obvious--- to lean on my own understanding or on popular, common sense. How easy it is at times to think that I know better! Many perceptions I have accepted as my own, comfortable and familiar beliefs that have directed my choices, pose as strongholds that keep me from heeding faith’s call.  As I read the bible and meet faithful men, I have learned to accept that faith is not common sense. From Peter who walked on water, to a teen-ager named David who struck down a giant; from Abraham, who rose early to sacrifice his only son, to Jesus who purposely delayed in saving “the one He loved” from death. Their actions are all unexplainable, and yet they were necessary to fulfill divine purposes.

Today, there are countless stories of nameless faithful men and women who have acted “senselessly” but in obedience. From a locker room lady who gives her entire savings to build a church and postpones building her own home to a loving couple that adopts without hesitation, a baby boy left in a basket; from a farmer that plants potatoes during a drought to a grieving man visiting and forgiving the murderer of his brother in prison. And more! Each one is necessary to fulfill God’s purpose.

I need to repent from my thinking that it is always wise to choose the most convenient or sensible option. God is unlike me and has His own way of fulfilling His purpose at times, by the way of the wilderness. I can feel so vulnerable in the wilderness but this is when I feel His sufficiency the most. I can either succumb to fear or by grace, choose faith.  Believe that He, who guides me there, has divine reasons for directing me and I can trust Him to lead me out.

I cannot imagine the countless times our Shepherd has spared us from imminent danger and harm by taking me through the wilderness. For this I am truly thankful.  I pray that as He leads us, we follow, trusting Him for safe travel. May He grant us refreshing stops, assure that we are on course and our destination is totally secure.  

Restraining Complaining

I have observed, when I complain to my husband, it most often than not ends up in an argument. Oh yes, like many of you, I also experience conflicts with my husband where we disagree and get hurt. Because we are different and see life from different perspectives, it is inevitable. Through these exchanges I have had many realizations which are helping me restrain the complaining and as a result, reduce the arguing.

Complaints have a way of provoking negativity in another. More so, if it is ill-timed when given, and especially, if the complaint concerns the one you are sharing it with.

The other night, I cooked soup but I had a missing ingredient. To my taste buds, it was acceptable. Unfortunately, even after praying over the dish, it did not meet my daughter’s standard. Her simple complaint, which was actually more like news said in the town square, “The soup is tasteless,” rocked my world. “Lord, take over” I quickly and silently prayed. That speedy call for help made all the difference. It diffused the rising irritation.  

Surprised at my calm, I apologized and told her that there was a missing ingredient. I also shared with her that I was offended not by her comment, but how she expressed it as if the whole world needed to know! (I do not always respond calmly to my children’s complaints. There have been those days when I would be drained by them and retort.) Our youngest who witnessed what happened began to criticize his sister. The complaint was not against him and yet it provoked him to judge her. 

Perhaps that is why God’s word abounds with warnings against complaining. Paul writes to the Philippians, “Do all things without complaining…” James writes, “So do not grumble against one another that you may not be judged.” 

A psalmist prayed, “I pour out my complaint before Him. I declare before Him my trouble.” Complaints existed back then and still do today. And it can be released and not held back or denied. To pour means to flow continuously or profusely or to pass or proceed in large numbers. But the psalmist emphasizes who He releases his many complaints to. Notice the phrase “before Him” was said twice. It is something we ought not to miss. The Lord, our God desires that we cast all our cares on Him because He not only has the patience and strength of character to receive all of them without being provoked, but He is also worthy of our trust. Whatever we cast on Him, we can be confident that He will only do with it what is best for us.

How many conflicts can be avoided in relationships if we can develop the discipline of complaining to the Lord and not to man? God knows how our limited minds can misinterpret and misunderstand. He knows our frame and how grumbling against each other can only make things worse. Let us consult and acknowledge the One who knows the beginning and end of our complaints. I believe, more than addressing the object of our complaints, He desires that I be honest with Him---truth in the inward parts. By doing so, free of my load, I am able to discern the truth behind my complaints. The Holy Spirit has shown me how complaining is just a symptom of major obstacles such as unbelief, ingratitude, impatience and discontent. No wonder it does not sink well with my husband!

At other times after pouring out to God, I am directed to be honest with those I have something against, but I act with peace in my heart knowing that I am responding to the Lord’s leading rather than venting my own foolish reactions.  Just because I am the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister or the friend, it does not mean that in any given situation, I am automatically God’s chosen messenger and am free to express my complaint. Prayer and God’s word have major roles in determining that and in keeping me from hindering His work in the lives of others.

As I am reminded of the nature of complaints and the damage it can do, I am led to pray. “Lord, forgive me for the times I complain. Thank You for Your patient love. By your strength and grace, I recommit to set a guard over my mouth when I am tempted to complain to others. I recommit to make You, my first stop, casting every care on You and yielding to Your plan.” 

They Do Say the Darndest Things

    A merry heart does good like medicine but a crushed spirit makes the bones dry. Cheerful thoughts certainly influence the way we feel, for the better. I distinctly remember one of my favorite shows back in the 90s, which always made me feel lighter all throughout. This was Bill Cosby’s Kids Say the Darndest Things. The candid, pure and hilarious reactions of the kids on the set would amuse me and even make me laugh. Their child-like views were refreshing and surprisingly, convicting at times. The show would also feature flashbacks of a 1950s variety show called House Party which included a segment with the host, Art LInkletter, catching the kids say the darndest things. They have such an unadulterated view of life.

                Though the show has been off the air for quite sometime, I still have the privilege of hearing the darndest things, as a mother of four. The timing and delivery of our kids’ responses are at times so orchestrated as if they were well-thought of punch lines. Here are some of my favorites that occurred during ages 3 to 5. For those who know me well, you probably can name who among my kids said these things. I hope that it promotes cheerful thoughts adding a little sunshine to your day.

                “Mommy, my tummy has a headache.”

                “V is for Vegas, Lost Vegas.”

                “Mama, why do they have so much hair?” (Referring to the British royal guards)

                “Mom, how does Jesus get the money we give in church?”

"Kuya" means my older brother

                

                Once we were talking about the sad state of the roads in our city. I shared with our 5 year old how the rains and the high volume of cars passing damage the road. She reacted, “Damage? What damage? Then they have to shampoo it!”  (Obviously, affected by hair commercials.)

                “If half of the time he is a good boy and half of the time he is not, then half of him will go to heaven and the other half to hell.”

                While looking at a picture book and naming all that he could, he came upon a picture of a mosquito and identified it, “Dengue.”

                One time our son woke up from his sleep and he told us that someone was calling his name. His dad and I told him about  Samuel who was being called by God in his sleep and to this our son replied, “But the voice is a girl’s!”     

   After finding out that a female friend, who was single, got pregnant, our daughter comments, “She is just like the mom of Anakin (in Star Wars).  She got pregnant by the Force.”

    About Adam & Eve. “Her name is Eve because she did something Eve-il.”

                Once I was speaking to the eldest and ended the discussion by asking, “Get the point?” Then she replied, “Got the point.” Then our 3 year old squeezes in, “Mama, I also want to get a point!”

                “Why did Jesus become cruci-five?”

                One time I gently and honestly shared with my small child that her words were hurting my feelings and she immediately replied, “But I want to hurt your feelings!”

                “I had so much fun in Sunday School. I want to do it again, Mom. Can’t you rewind us?”

    After a 3 day confinement in the hospital and an extended time with my Creator, I resolved to stay home and be more available to my kids. My daughter observes, “Did they experiment on you in the hospital? Cause you're not the same mama anymore.”

   Oh, how these memories and more have successfully put a smile on my face and lightened my load.  Do email me at felichi.buizon@cbnasia .org and share with me the darndest things you have heard from kids to add a bit of sunshine to my day!